Lazy but not...

I am not a writer. I've wanted to be. Tried to be. Failed to be and will most likely never be. I have 2 blog followers and who knows if they actually read the blog or not or just added me for the kicks and giggles. Anyway I was sitting here thinking "now how can I make some money".. You see i want to get married, but first that requires money, a ring, some more money, a lot of planning and then, some military esk positioning of the parents so that they don't kill you when you tell them. Yes they will most likely kill me, at least be angry with me. Their feelings on the situation isn't a secrete. Dad doesn't really care, where as mom is more like "why rush it why rush it". Come on! Really? We've been dating for 3 and a half years I don't think this is rushing it".

Honestly, more than anything I just want to get out of the current situation I'm in and start living life a little. For anyone who doesn't know i live in my art gallery and usually have about .27 to a dollar at the end of the month (after paying bills) to do with what i please.. I eat mainly on the kindness of friends, the bread line, my girlfriend, her parents, and my parents. My apartment is sorta cool, I have 2 futons but one is technically what i call a bed and the other one holds on to my work uniform and random stuff that i don't have anywhere else to put. The carpet in my apartment is just a little green something i stole from a dumpster of a restaurant that was remodeling. Naturally a hot day rolls around and the dump smells like a fry house. Who knew... The apartment consists of 4 rooms, but really just one large room sectioned off in to 4 smaller ones.

The first room when you walk in is my office/living room/bedroom. This is where i make all of my artwork, photo editing, tv watching, coffee breaking, and time wasting. There is a small portable wall divider separating the bedroom from the office area, which is the width of one of my futons and has the depth enough to to walk between the desk and futon with little room to spare. The bedroom has a futon, a small dresser, and a small book shelf. The second room is the kitchen which holds a patio table a full size refrigerator, a sink, no cupboards, no stove, no oven, and a microwave on a cart. Now the interesting part the 3rd room holds the shower/closet while the 4th room holds the bathroom sink, and toilet. These rooms are exceptionally small. For someone straight out of college this place is fine, but for someone who is wanting to move on with life and find bigger and better things this is not the place to be. Unfortunately, I still have 4 months left on my lease and since the gallery and the apartment are all the same lease, my bank account gets drained monthly.

So what am I getting at... Well, I guess its just that I've been looking for jobs, offering good deals on art and photo shoots, and now I'm waiting for any of the bazillion jobs I applied for to call. I don't really know what else to do but stay tuned and maybe you'll find out what happens next.

This is just some of my night photography. I do this type of shooting as a way to escape the busy life style and to unwind. My walks are very important to me and I feel they keep me from going insane, and these pictures show you why. Please enjoy. There will most likely be more of these to come.

Wow I Need to Blog More

So, i just realized that i haven't blogged regularly and honestly I'll start trying more, but don't get your hopes up to much. I have a lot of things on the table again and honestly blogging does not rank high on the "i have to get that done or i don't get to live under a roof anymore" list.

First things first, I will be closing the gallery at the end of August. This is due to a string of things but the largest chunk being the lack of interest from the public, paper, artists, and buyers which sorta hurts. In short the gallery hasn't brought in a paycheck in 3 months and its time to cut the losses and get out before it bankrupts me. Good news is, that a group of artists are currently talking about taking the gallery over come September, replacing my deposit so i get mine back, and keeping the art gallery an art gallery, but making it more of an artist workshop than a gallery. I say more power to them they have a good start in the developing phase and if they get the right people they could go far.

Second, I have really been fighting my extreme distaste in my current working situation. I am working three over nights a week and getting paid barely above minimum. It wouldn't be so bad if these nights weren't littered with extremely rude, bad smelling, stupid, often drunk, and highly uncooperative people and the frequent fire alarm. I think it has been over a month since the fire alarm hasn't gone off at 2am. Then i spend the rest of the night explaining to enraged guests that we are trying to fix the problem. Anyway i have been applying for other jobs but haven't heard from any yet, granted it has only been about a week. My hopes are to move to Vermillion, get an apartment, and have a full time job with benefits and weekends free so that i can still continue to make art and do shows, all while trying to pay off my now deferred student loans.

So what's to come in the foreseeable future? Well i suppose there are a few things. First Riverboat days is coming up and i have 5 booths currently rented out with the possibility for 4 more. Then come September there is first Fridays in Kansas City at Main Street Cafe again as well as a possible photo shoot, and painting drop off in Omaha. Also in September the Mighty Mo Photo show comes down and i then get my promise to purchase awards from Avera Sacred Heart Hospital as well as a private owner. I am still trying to get into other shows but i haven't had time to really see when they are or how much its going to cost me to get in and get there.

That's all for now. Hopefully i have better news for you next time, which i hope is sooner than a month but you never know. Things seem to be moving pretty fast these days.

Later,
Jake

Been A While

So yeah its been awhile since I've written anything, and its actually very hard for me to write anything tonight. It'll most likely be choppy and not thought out well, and well its now almost 2:00 and my mind tends to stop functioning correctly around now.

Anyway, I suppose I'll start with a question. Is life meant be enjoyable, or should one have to work tirelessly, make very little, and eventually make enough to retire? Stupid question but what it boils down to is this. I've been working like crazy and have literally been living off next to nothing for the last.. 5 months. I am happy with the work I'm doing (the art gallery), but it makes little money and demands lots of attention and stress. So to help ease the pressure of finances I took on another job, and the gallery slowed down. Way down. Now I'm presented with the facts.

1) The gallery isn't making any money
2) Student loans are coming due and money is falling short due to gallery bills
3) I won't be happy working most places

There are far more numbers but I won't dive into my personal life to much. For a while all I could think of doing was the next big break, what could i do to create a jolt to the income that is enough for this place to pay for itself. With the help of a few people who will remain nameless, mainly bc i can't remember who brought it up first, the following solutions were determined.

1) Don't Jolt the flow of income, steady the flow
2) Go non-profit, apply for grants, bring in interns
3) Make it about helping the community more than making money

The last part was the hardest. I felt, that was what I was doing, and perhaps that's how it started. But the more I thought about it the more it became clear that my reasons warped to making the bills rather than making the difference. Once my mind reached that slippery slope everything sorta just stopped. I didn't have the will to think of new ideas for events, classes, advertising, creating my own work, helping the community, and above all being happy.

So now what do I do? Interestingly enough i had encounter with myself and God. I know it seems odd to say that but if it wasn't God then i was an encounter with a much smarter and wiser me, naturally God came to mind first as i don't feel the later was possible. The debate went something like this.

SM = Smarter Me

(SM)- What do you think?
(me) - That's a dumb question.
(SM)- Seriously, what do you think?
(me) - I think I'm between a rock and a hard place, disappoint those that tried to support and help me or fail at life.
(SM) - Why fail at life?
(me) - Work to pay for a place the doesn't do anything except drain the bank account, just because I'm happy there? Seems sort of counter productive.
(SM) - What's wrong with being happy?
(me) - Its not about being happy as much as doing something. I could be happy not doing the gallery and just living and working, but i still wouldn't be doing anything, except I guess, just.... living.
(SM) - Whats wrong with just living?
(me) - Are you just going to ask questions out of sections of what i said before?
(SM) - Call me a devil's advocate, and yes.
(me) - Figures, jerk...
(SM) - (smiles)
(me) - Fine, just living... seems pointless. Why would i want to not do something worth while. A legacy, something to be remembered for, something to say i helped someone, I made a difference.
(SM) - Why do you think people need your help?
(me) - I guess I don't know... Do they?
(SM) - Probably seeing as though you feel so strongly that you have to help.
(me) - How do I help them then?
(SM) - I'm the one asking the questions remember. How do you help them?
(me) - Right now... just teaching small classes, providing opportunities, and giving advice.
(SM) - How does that make you feel?
(me) - Well, doctor, it makes me feel valuable for about an hour or two, worth something.
(SM) - How do they feel?
(me) - I don't know, but my classes aren't growing.
(SM) - That's beside the point, do they keep coming?
(me) - Well, yeah
(SM) - Obviously they are getting something out of it otherwise they wouldn't keep bringing you money right?
(me) - I guess, but why aren't the classes getting bigger?
(SM) - How much time do you put into getting the classes ready? How much time do you spend advertising for the classes?
(me) - ... classes are relatively easy to prepare, i mean its all there in my head, advertising I'm not real sure where to start.
(SM) - Maybe you should start.
(me) - where?
(SM) - Good question, maybe its time for you to do a little learning.
(me) - yeah...

This cross examination of self went on for a long time. It was the first dream that i felt was actualy in real time. In the end just by continually being bombarded by questions that i was then forced to answer brought many things to light. It was hellish almost becuase i was the lesser me and every question cuased anguish and confusion which later would become clear and calming. In the wrap up I ended staring at myself thinking what the next question would be, but one never came.

The Invention of Lying

Interesting thing it is, when you watch a movie expecting it to be funny, and it ends up colliding head on with life as you know it. Naturally i never thought that i would have life dramatically shaken by a Ricky Garvais movie, but as the movie would say, it seems the man in the sky who is kind of a prick but yet a really good guy had other plans. It actually all started earlier today while I was running my tail off trying to make a living. I start in Vermillion with a dentist appointment, rushed to the FA to drop of info cards and touch base with a couple teachers, call housing and chew them out for forfeiting my housing deposit, drive to Yankton for a photo shoot, get to the apartment to find that the graphics professor wrote me back and wants to have a meeting in vermillion so i rush back to meet with her, run into a friend and suddenly time sorta slows. We talk about philosophy and theology some. Talked about how what we think and how we act are related. How we were brought up doesn't always mean thats how we are going to be when we are older. Then things speed up again and I'm setting up conventions and shows, taking calls from clients, rushing back to Yankton to photo edit before I have to go to work at 11:00pm, editing then running to the folks' so I would have a computer to do something on while I sat behind a desk all night, and then I started to watch "The Invention of Lying".

Needless to say after a crazy day like today all i really wanted to was some comedic relief for some pent of stress. What I got was a slap to the face and a "cheers" from Ricky Gervais. Not a bad slap to the face mind you, rather an enjoyable one if there is such a thing. If you haven't seen the movie I would highly recommend it. It takes a serious issue like religion and says take everything away that it promises and this is the life you can expect. It is a world without lies. Everyone is honest. I mean brutally honest. Like "I won't marrie you because your fat and genetically that isn't what i want for my kids." honest. Funny thing was Ricky Gervais plays a man who suddenly finds that he can lie, and fully extends what we no longer concider to be lies. Things like "Don't kill yourself, you are worth something. It would bother me if you were dead." to "The world is going to end if you don't sleep with me this instant." Comedic yes, but thought provoking non the less specially at 5am.

The movie brings concepts to mind that I have recently pushed away as to complicated, for me to want to try and unravel them. Unfortunately my mind doesn't just shut off and things came unravelled themselves with these ideas presented. Can there be love without lieing? Can there be hate without love, can you be happy without sadness, and why do people ignore what they want and do other things? The last one was sorta random but some how played a part in the movie, becuase even though these people were in capable of physically telling a lie, they were more than capable of living a lie. They lived the lie that you have to be a genetic match to get married, that you are what you are and thats all you are, that there was nothing deeper than what you see on the surface, and that ones happyness is decided by genetics, money, beauty, surface junk.

The movie also takes an interesting turn when Garvais's character tells everyone about the Man in the Sky. Could have been a jab at religion, i don't really know or care, but it brought up how much hope that one particular religion gives to people. An after life with something other than nothing in it. An after life with mansions and anything you could ever want and everyone you ever loved would be there, and it was all made by this man in the sky with strong hands and a great head of hair. It references this religion many times throughout the movie and at first i thought it was all just for a joke, but the movie became serious in the end and came up with a simple yet profound answer to the question "Why won't you tell me what the Man in the Sky wants?" "No"... Interesting concept when you bring it up in reference to God. Why can't God just tell me what he wants it would be so much easier? The answer is simple, but also leaves you with the "prick but yet a really nice guy". He wants you to choose. Why? Maybe becuase honestly you already know the answer you just don't want to do it becuase it doesn't suit you genetically or financially, its not how you imagined it, or its not in you're timing.

So how do I end this? I suppose I will ask the question that was asked to me many years ago. Interestingly enough at the time I figured there was no answer and if there was time would help unravel the mystery. Funny how things tend to happen that way. "What is the question?" or "What is the question you want answered but can't seem to come to terms with as the real truth." Its usually the truth and as the sayings go. The truth hurts, but it can also set you free.

Now the Hard Part

I wasn’t kidding last time when I wrote now to the hard part. There is always work to do here, but the work is a minor inconvenience when it comes to the finances of this place. Now first I should say I can’t complain to much on this matter, but I'm gonna, because my landlord is giving me a great deal and has given me far more support than your average landlord ever would. However, when there is no sales and no one willing to leave their homes it is very difficult to make a business like this work. We have had minimal traffic through here lately, and its very discouraging to see that parents won’t even leave their evening tv shows to go out and see their son/daughters art show.

Anyway with my little rant about lazy people out of the way, the finances are a little strained. It is highly possible that I will have enough for rent this month but as for next month that is a little up in the air. It cost a little over $1000 a month to keep this store open, and for me to live here. I am currently sitting on a grand total of $200 gross income since opening day. What! Jake you aren’t supposed to talk about that! Well I have to. How else is anyone going to know what’s really happening here. Anyway, I’m not asking for donations, even though there is a donate button on the contact us page, however what I am saying is that if the funds don’t start supporting the gallery more, I will have to get a job and the gallery will be closed more than open. Which now that i think about it it will cut down on energy costs.. Anyway I don’t want to close the gallery 4 out of 7 days of the week. It hardly seems worth having if thats all its open.

I am the only person here so naturally I am limited to how much I can do in a day, but giving that I am the only person here it gives me a lot of time to think. Today I have decided to make the gallery a little more versatile. Instead of being just a gallery it is going to become a meeting place for small groups. Church groups, book clubs, homework groups, acoustic shows, instrumentals, and business meetings. Donation jars will be out to help support the idea and hopefully help with the finances. The art will still be available and shows will still be common. I feel that the gallery must morph into something new in order to continue doing business.

If you have any ideas as far as income opportunities that would help the gallery feel free to shoot us an email. I would love to get anyone and everyone involved as much as possible

New blog location called the clog

I have a new site where I am posting my new blogs. I have about 3 up there that i don't have here so please go there and check them out. The site is web.me.com/thearthousegallery

Later,

Jake